nebulochaotic | Text to Eddie (REDIRECTED TO EVERY NETWORK PARTICIPANT, EDS INCLUDED)

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Text to Eddie (REDIRECTED TO EVERY NETWORK PARTICIPANT, EDS INCLUDED)

How do you figure out what the hell to do with yourself here?

Working at a bank isn't bad, of course, but it's boring. There's no challenge to it and it's driving me nuts. Plus, they've got some really bad habits at this bank and it's driving me nuts.

INNER THOUGHT MATRIX ACTIVATED- ADDED:

And I'm making a surplus to what I'm putting out anyway considering the stipend - they really have made a mistake in how they're doing this from a money management point of view. I'm going to have more than enough saved over the course of a period of time that it's going to be me probably more ahead than I should be.

Which makes it really easy to hate my job considering I have a cushion to be picky, which doesn't really help keep my mind from wandering and from struggling to think about Patty at home and the fact that I can never go back to that and I have to figure out how to settle in here.

DARCY (text generated on your behalf);

How are you settling in, I've been thinking about you and your boys wondering if you were doing all right?

LOSERS (ADDED FILTER TO DARCY, LYDIA, AND OTHER ACQUAINTANCES -if you have talked to San you can see);

So Thanksgiving is coming up, has anybody talked any plans yet? We could do something, potentially, thoughts?

[OOC: TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM/DEATH WITHIN]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

TEXT TO STAN; REROUTED TO BE PUBLIC
I made a belated bucket list and started just trying to check things off it. I never went to work at the stupid fucking job they gave me. They wanted me to work at a goddamned daycare. Like I have any experience with kids. That would have almost definitely ended horribly. Plus, like you said, they fucked up with the stipend. We get paid more to exist than most people in this city probably make to work 40 hours a week in an office.

That sounds boring as shit, man. I mean, if you're going to be a lifer here like me, I can talk you through the steps of how to try to apply for citizenship. It's taking fucking forever, but once you manage it, you can probably try to find a decent job because you can replicate your credentials and shit from home. In the meantime...I don't know. Make a bucket list and start doing the shit you always wanted to but never got to do before you died.

LOSERS
I was just going to ignore it...did you guys want to do something? If we're doing Thanksgiving, we should probably get on it with groceries early next week.

Eds; public reroute;
I’ve never in my life thought about making a bucket list. What do you even put on one? I think Patty and I did whatever we really wanted to along the way. And, honestly, I can’t even imagine you working at a daycare - who the hell thought that was a good fit? That’s the other job that doesn’t seem like they’re making great choices on. Not that I meant to say some of that but the stuff going on I might as well just say it.

I just can’t figure out the lifer thing. I don’t really have much of a choice, I guess.

INNER THOUGHT MATRIX ACTIVATED
But I feel like I’m doing something wrong by moving on and leaving everything behind.

LOSERS+
If everyone is on board I’m game, I’d like some sense of normalcy?

Edited 2020-11-19 02:17 (UTC)

STAN; PUBLIC REROUTE
I hadn't, either. Taking a clown-spider claw through the gut and bleeding out in a sewer has a way of lighting a fire under a guy's ass, though.

I didn't do shit. Marty was as bad as my mother. I might as well have just married my mother for all the similarities. All I accomplished in my life was getting rich and being fucking miserable.

I'm trying to do it right this time. I get to start over here; people don't know me here. I can be whoever the fuck I want, you know? So this is working out a lot better for me than it is for you, man, and I'm really sorry about that.

That's all there is to the lifer thing, though. Starting over. I felt like that, too, at first but...I mean, we don't really have a choice.
You don't have to feel like you're doing something wrong when you're taking the only option available, Stanley.

LOSERS;
I'm okay with it. I can't cook, so I'm pretty useless in that regard. I mean, I can cook some things, but not Thanksgiving-level stuff.

EDS; PUBLIC REROUTE
I'm not even going to pretend to imagine that one, honestly, but no wonder you're motivated, Christ.

If nothing else I'm glad it's working out for you, though. You deserve better than that, man. And I think it sounds like you get to be yourself without having someone to hold you back.

We don't but I can't figure out what it means for me.

INTERNAL THOUGHT MATRIX ADDED:

When you slit your wrists to avoid getting your friends killed and going through complete and utter hell all over again and then somehow wind up alive it creates a whole new layer of guilt and confusion to deal with all of this.

Don't really know how to start over all alone, either. All the things I wanted before I don't know what to do with hem.

LOSERS;
I can cook, I make a pretty good bird, actually. And I'm sure one of us can talk you through a side dish.

STAN; NARRATIVE MODE INITIATED:

Yeah, well, Eddie Kaspbrak thought, frowning and setting his jaw, if we stay here long enough and history repeats itself, you might not actually have to imagine it. It was a foreboding and ominous thought; one which Eddie immediately regretted thinking given the state of the network as it continued to share thoughts in addition to intended communications.

STAN; RE-ROUTED PUBLIC & TEXT-MODE INITIATED:
Yeah, it wasn't pretty, so it's better you don't. But yeah.

I mean, yeah, I guess between not having Myra hovering over me and being, like, invincible and shit, yeah. Actually, I guess it's a little bit less getting to be myself without being held back and a little more getting to find out who I actually am in the first place.

Dude...you can't do that to yourself, man. You fucking can't do that. You did what you thought you had to do and, honestly, man, what happens here doesn't have any kind of impact on what's going on back home, from what I can tell. Confusion, sure, you're entitled to be confused as fuck but don't pile more guilt on. It's not worth it. They won, dude, they killed It.

What kind of shit did you want to do before?

LOSERS;
I can take on buying dessert stuff, too, unless someone feels particularly inclined toward making desserts.

Edited 2020-11-19 16:00 (UTC)

EDS; REROUTED ALL
What the hell? I have no idea how but you just, or the system anyway, sent some sort of like narration to me on your behalf. You don't really think that we're going to have a repeat of Derry here, do you?

Well, hopefully, you're having luck figuring it out when you haven't before?

I guess that's the disconnect for me, it doesn't matter what I do here because it won't affect home and I'm not sure how to let go of home.

ADDED TRANSPARENCY:

And I don't know that I'd go home if I could, anyway, because Patty'd never forgive me or be able to handle seeing me again. So I know I've got to move on, but I'm not used to just thinking about myself and not taking care of her.

Successful business, we were still half-hoping we might be able to have a kid, a little travel, but nothing really all that out there. And considering it's just me, well...

INTERNAL THOUGHT MATRIX ACTIVATED - ADDENDUM:

I can't have the family alone, after all. And I have to jump through hoops to create a business. I haven't figured out if it's worth it.

LOSERS;
Have at it, honestly. We can break it down however, but I volunteer to do the bird.

STAN; REROUTED ALL
What the fuck? No, I...no. It's just that a while back, people were having memories of shit that other people went through suddenly just end up in their brains. It's fucked up how many people I saw dying that week. I meant if that happened again... Well, a lot of people started messaging me asking me if that was really how I died. It was fantastic.

Yeah, I guess kind of.

I'm still not sure I've entirely let go of home myself, so I'm probably not the right person to be giving advice in that vein. She'll be all right, though, Stanley. Maybe not right now, but...she will.

You can too have a family alone. I've been thinking about it. I mean, not right now or anything, but maybe after I'm a citizen and I'm working in risk management again and making decent money. You could adopt.
You could hire a surrogate. Who says you can't do it alone? And as for starting a business, you'd have to jump through hoops back home, too, so fuck it. Sounds to me like you've got the start of a bucket list already percolating, man.

I don't want a repeat of that either - there's plenty I'd like to keep to myself, and this thing screwing up is getting more and more annoying and inconvenient.

I know she'll be all right, I made sure that even if something happened to me she'd be taken care of physically, I just hate that I won't be able to explain to her or do anything to make it easier. Patty's always going to be a thought in the back of my mind, I guess. I committed to her and I love her. And maybe that's part of the problem, nobody to take care of anymore, just myself. Even though I know I want her to be happy and move forward I don't know if I should be allowed to do the same.

You've been considering having a family alone? Really?

Yeah, tell me about it.

Dude, there's nothing wrong with that. Nobody's saying you can't still love her and miss her, man. Shit, my marriage was a fucking mess, but I still love Marty and miss her sometimes, so it follows that you would definitely miss Patty, if your marriage was still a good one. I think you don't really have a choice but to move forward, though. Whether you like it or not, this place brought you back to life, so just by the nature of life itself, you have no choice but to move forward. Happy, though...that's up to you. Don't you think she'd want you to be happy, too, though, man? Even if you couldn't be happy with her?

Yeah, I mean...Marty and I tried really hard for kids. It just never panned out. I wouldn't have tried so hard if I didn't really want 'em, you know? So yeah, I've thought about it.

LAST FILTER;
I just kind of figured I'd get something small and do a Friendsgiving with Cindy and the boys since I don't really know anybody here all that well...

STAN;
Have you? Oh honey, you need to get out more. ;) No, but that's really sweet, thank you.

We're fine. I mean...this morning, I was stuck to the front door and I think I'm basically Spider-Man now? But other than that, I'm hanging in. How about you?

Edited 2020-11-19 00:59 (UTC)

LAST FILTER;
Oh jeez, I didn't even mean to send this to you, I'm sorry. This had to have come off a little weird considering I barely know you too.

DARCY;
I have, even though I didn't actually intend to check in and send anything to you yet. This thing is full of surprises and pestering you tonight, isn't it?

Wait, you literally - how did you get unstuck? I'm still trying to adjust to all of this, honestly, but I'm doing a little better, I think?

LAST FILTER;
I mean, a little bit, but I just figured maybe you didn't know many people here, either, and were trying to organize something for the people who don't really have anywhere else to go for it, or whatever. People used to do that in Lawrence all the time, so it's not that weird.

STAN;
Oh...huh. I mean, I had a text to a friend end up going to several other people, but I wrote the text and it just misfired. That's really weird, you didn't write that text out to someone else and it just made it to me instead, or something?

Yeah, I literally took the door handle to pull it open in the lobby and got stuck like that. I ended up ripping off the handle entirely, so apparently Spider-Man is also super strong or whatever. This kid who was coming in has I was leaving managed to help me get it unstuck but how we pulled it off is still honestly kind of a mystery to me.

Yeah, it's a tough adjustment period. You'll get there. It takes some people a lot longer than others, in my experience. The first time I showed up in a place like this, I was like eight weeks pregnant with the boys, so literally the last thing I wanted to do was get stuck somewhere without my support system. So, you know, it took me a lot longer to settle in than it took some others that came in after me. So I get it.

LAST;
Oh wow, I never thought about that given you've mentioned that place.

I don't know many people here yet, so you're mostly right, but it's mainly that this thing is going haywire on me, I'm not having the greatest luck today. At least you didn't think I was a total whackjob, though, because of it?

DARCY;
I didn't write it, I can't exactly lie and say none of it's true or that I haven't started to type the stuff out and delete it, but it's like it was restoring and mixing everything together to post for me or something - very weird.

I don't even think I can picture that in my mind, but at least you're okay and the kid is okay, yeah?

Wait, you did all of this while pregnant the first time around? That sounds like hell. You obviously settled in eventually given you act like this is all a walk in the park now. That's pretty impressive considering I think my brain is still damn near broken.

LAST;
Yeah, it's definitely not that weird, so I for sure don't think you're a whackjob, Stan lol

STAN;
Okay yeah, that's really, really weird. I can't say I've ever encountered that sort of thing before and I am pretty well-accustomed to expecting the unexpected at this point in my life.

It was ridiculous, so it's probably better that you can't, but yeah, we're both fine, relatively speaking. Neither of us is very happy about it, but we're physically okay.

Sure did and it sure was, sweetie. I mean, yeah. I settled in eventually. Honey, I've been in Lawrence on and off for like five years now. The boys are too young to remember much else. It's more home to me than home is, these days, if I'm being fully honest.

Also, I don't know if you meant for it to have been seen or not, and you can tell me to butt out if you'd rather I just drop it, but I saw that you'd said to your friend up there that you can't have a family alone...?

Yes, you can. Family is what you make of it, Stan. I thought the same thing. I thought there's no way I could be a single mother of twins but you know what? I think I'm doing a pretty great job and it's not so bad. It's hard, sometimes, don't get me wrong. But you can have a family by yourself if you really want one. I just...felt like that needed to be refuted.

FIRST FILTER;
The first month or so was really hard for me, but once I sort of accepted that this is my new home, at least for now, I kind of just settled in and started doing what I would normally do. I worked at the job they gave me until some stupid drama got me canned and then I started working somewhere else that I liked almost just as much. I go out and have drinks with my friends. I watch terrible reality TV, and now I also dabble in puzzles because some adorable new guy unintentionally got me into it.

Nobody says you have to stay at that job they give you, though, Stanley.
If you hate it, go get another job. Some places will still hire you without citizenship. Not everywhere is willing, but some places will.

LAST FILTER;
I was just kind of going to skip it, actually...

FULL DISCLOSURE CLAUSE:
Unless Allison wants to do something, I think I'm just going to let myself forget it's a holiday at all. Thanksgiving was kind of a big deal for my mom and this is the first time I have to have it without her, so...

FIRST;
Jesus this thing is really on one tonight. That was totally meant for Eddie, but I guess I never thought about how you might have settled in either. That's...far more mature than the way I've been looking at all of this, if I'm being honest. I don't know if I can get on board with the terrible TV, but the rest of it doesn't seem quite so bad.

That's one of the next things I need to consider. Eddie started that and it's been...a process. I have a feeling it'll be easier if I just bite the bullet.

ADDED INTERNAL MATRIX INTERJECTION;
It just feels like a shitty thing to do so fast.

LAST FILTER;
I'm sorry that this is going to make you miss your mom. I actually meant this for my friends, but if Allison decides she wants to do something and you guys need anything let me know. I'm happy to help.

FIRST;
So take your time before starting the process, Stanley. No one's going to judge you if you wait. I mean, God, Eddie's been here almost as long as me, I think. I don't know when he started his process, but I certainly haven't started mine, yet.

( Not that Lydia wants to be a permanent resident, but a dual citizenship wouldn't suck, especially if they ever manage to nail down the logistics of the portals the way they want to so that they can travel freely back home. She'd go back and forth if she could, so that she wouldn't have to choose between her mother and her dead best friend. )

LAST;
We'll be fine, but thank you.
I appreciate it.
[ MESSAGE FAILED; RECALIBRATING FOR INITIAL RESPONSE ACCURACY ]

Wow, okay. Thanks but we're good, don't worry about it.
[ MESSAGE SENT; ]

FIRST;
You really are wise beyond your years, I know you're right it's just a matter of putting it into practice and going through it, I suppose.

LAST;
I think that came out a little wrong - I meant my old friends.

ADDED INTERNAL RESPONSE:
I feel like I might have been a little offensive there and I definitely didn't mean to be.

FIRST;
There's a reason I generally prefer company outside my age bracket. When you're ready, you'll be able to put it into practice.

LAST;
It's fine, I got it. Thank you, though.

FIRST FILTER;

I don't really know if I can answer that for you, I'm still trying to figure it out. I'm thinking of starting my clothing line here with the stipend I'm getting, but...I'm still trying to figure out if I want to do that, or if I want to do something new.

INNER THOUGHT MATRIX ACTIVATED:

I hate that it feels like Tom was right, and I couldn't do it without him, but it feels like he tainted it all anyway.

LOSERS;

I can go either way. If you guys want to celebrate it, I'm in. I'll help cook, just don't leave me in charge of the whole thing because that is not my forte.

For one job, I realized there was a need for something so I just...fixed it, I guess. I opened my own business. But I needed a creative outlet, so I started singing at a jazz club a few days of the week just for the hell of it. They needed a part time person, so...why not.

Honestly, the jobs they assign are bullshit a lot of the time. If you get a stipend, there's no shame in taking time off and figuring out what you really want to do. That's essentially what I did, and I'm glad for it.

FIRST FILTER;

If you could do anything, what would you do? I didn't take the stipend, so I'm working the job they gave me and trying to finish my GED. After that, who knows. Guess I'm still trying to figure it out, too.

LAST FILTER;

I was planning on getting take out with Lydia and spending the day watching movies together, so...nothing traditional.

FIRST;
I'm honestly not sure, a lot of the same things that I was doing and trying to do back home, I guess. I don't think I have any big desires that have gone unfulfilled.

INNER THOUGHT MATRIX ACTIVATED:

Save for having a family and being a dad.

What prompted you not to take the stipend, if you don't mind me asking?

LAST;
Sounds like the two of you had similar ideas, then. At least the two of you'll have one another to hang out with. If you want any leftovers I think my friends from home and I are going to cook, if nothing else?

FIRST;

Well...there's always adoption, if you want to be a dad here. I'm just not sure how that works, but you know. I doubt that option isn't available here.

Oh, no I don't mind. I just didn't want to register.

INNER THOUGHT MATRIX ACTIVATED:

Considering Alpha and the Computer, the last thing I want is to sign up here for who-knows-what.

LAST;

Yeah, and we'll be with our roommate, probably, unless he has plans. Thanks, but we should be fine.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Text to Eddie (REDIRECTED TO EVERY NETWORK PARTICIPANT, EDS INCLUDED)

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(TRIGGER WARNING - SELF HARM/DEATH)

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