Text to Eddie (REDIRECTED TO EVERY NETWORK PARTICIPANT, EDS INCLUDED)

[offtheboard]

How do you figure out what the hell to do with yourself here?

Working at a bank isn't bad, of course, but it's boring. There's no challenge to it and it's driving me nuts. Plus, they've got some really bad habits at this bank and it's driving me nuts.

INNER THOUGHT MATRIX ACTIVATED- ADDED:

And I'm making a surplus to what I'm putting out anyway considering the stipend - they really have made a mistake in how they're doing this from a money management point of view. I'm going to have more than enough saved over the course of a period of time that it's going to be me probably more ahead than I should be.

Which makes it really easy to hate my job considering I have a cushion to be picky, which doesn't really help keep my mind from wandering and from struggling to think about Patty at home and the fact that I can never go back to that and I have to figure out how to settle in here.


DARCY (text generated on your behalf);

How are you settling in, I've been thinking about you and your boys wondering if you were doing all right?

LOSERS (ADDED FILTER TO DARCY, LYDIA, AND OTHER ACQUAINTANCES -if you have talked to San you can see);

So Thanksgiving is coming up, has anybody talked any plans yet? We could do something, potentially, thoughts?

[OOC: TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM/DEATH WITHIN]

Comments

[riskanalyst]

STAN; PUBLIC REROUTE
I hadn't, either. Taking a clown-spider claw through the gut and bleeding out in a sewer has a way of lighting a fire under a guy's ass, though.

I didn't do shit. Marty was as bad as my mother. I might as well have just married my mother for all the similarities. All I accomplished in my life was getting rich and being fucking miserable.

I'm trying to do it right this time. I get to start over here; people don't know me here. I can be whoever the fuck I want, you know? So this is working out a lot better for me than it is for you, man, and I'm really sorry about that.

That's all there is to the lifer thing, though. Starting over. I felt like that, too, at first but...I mean, we don't really have a choice.
You don't have to feel like you're doing something wrong when you're taking the only option available, Stanley.

LOSERS;
I'm okay with it. I can't cook, so I'm pretty useless in that regard. I mean, I can cook some things, but not Thanksgiving-level stuff.

(TRIGGER WARNING - SELF HARM/DEATH)

[offtheboard]

EDS; PUBLIC REROUTE
I'm not even going to pretend to imagine that one, honestly, but no wonder you're motivated, Christ.

If nothing else I'm glad it's working out for you, though. You deserve better than that, man. And I think it sounds like you get to be yourself without having someone to hold you back.

We don't but I can't figure out what it means for me.

INTERNAL THOUGHT MATRIX ADDED:

When you slit your wrists to avoid getting your friends killed and going through complete and utter hell all over again and then somehow wind up alive it creates a whole new layer of guilt and confusion to deal with all of this.

Don't really know how to start over all alone, either. All the things I wanted before I don't know what to do with hem.

LOSERS;
I can cook, I make a pretty good bird, actually. And I'm sure one of us can talk you through a side dish.

[riskanalyst]

STAN; NARRATIVE MODE INITIATED:

Yeah, well, Eddie Kaspbrak thought, frowning and setting his jaw, if we stay here long enough and history repeats itself, you might not actually have to imagine it. It was a foreboding and ominous thought; one which Eddie immediately regretted thinking given the state of the network as it continued to share thoughts in addition to intended communications.

STAN; RE-ROUTED PUBLIC & TEXT-MODE INITIATED:
Yeah, it wasn't pretty, so it's better you don't. But yeah.

I mean, yeah, I guess between not having Myra hovering over me and being, like, invincible and shit, yeah. Actually, I guess it's a little bit less getting to be myself without being held back and a little more getting to find out who I actually am in the first place.

Dude...you can't do that to yourself, man. You fucking can't do that. You did what you thought you had to do and, honestly, man, what happens here doesn't have any kind of impact on what's going on back home, from what I can tell. Confusion, sure, you're entitled to be confused as fuck but don't pile more guilt on. It's not worth it. They won, dude, they killed It.

What kind of shit did you want to do before?

LOSERS;
I can take on buying dessert stuff, too, unless someone feels particularly inclined toward making desserts.

[offtheboard]

EDS; REROUTED ALL
What the hell? I have no idea how but you just, or the system anyway, sent some sort of like narration to me on your behalf. You don't really think that we're going to have a repeat of Derry here, do you?

Well, hopefully, you're having luck figuring it out when you haven't before?

I guess that's the disconnect for me, it doesn't matter what I do here because it won't affect home and I'm not sure how to let go of home.

ADDED TRANSPARENCY:

And I don't know that I'd go home if I could, anyway, because Patty'd never forgive me or be able to handle seeing me again. So I know I've got to move on, but I'm not used to just thinking about myself and not taking care of her.

Successful business, we were still half-hoping we might be able to have a kid, a little travel, but nothing really all that out there. And considering it's just me, well...

INTERNAL THOUGHT MATRIX ACTIVATED - ADDENDUM:

I can't have the family alone, after all. And I have to jump through hoops to create a business. I haven't figured out if it's worth it.

LOSERS;
Have at it, honestly. We can break it down however, but I volunteer to do the bird.

[riskanalyst]

STAN; REROUTED ALL
What the fuck? No, I...no. It's just that a while back, people were having memories of shit that other people went through suddenly just end up in their brains. It's fucked up how many people I saw dying that week. I meant if that happened again... Well, a lot of people started messaging me asking me if that was really how I died. It was fantastic.

Yeah, I guess kind of.

I'm still not sure I've entirely let go of home myself, so I'm probably not the right person to be giving advice in that vein. She'll be all right, though, Stanley. Maybe not right now, but...she will.

You can too have a family alone. I've been thinking about it. I mean, not right now or anything, but maybe after I'm a citizen and I'm working in risk management again and making decent money. You could adopt.
You could hire a surrogate. Who says you can't do it alone? And as for starting a business, you'd have to jump through hoops back home, too, so fuck it. Sounds to me like you've got the start of a bucket list already percolating, man.

REROUTED PUBLIC HERE FORWARD

[offtheboard]

I don't want a repeat of that either - there's plenty I'd like to keep to myself, and this thing screwing up is getting more and more annoying and inconvenient.

I know she'll be all right, I made sure that even if something happened to me she'd be taken care of physically, I just hate that I won't be able to explain to her or do anything to make it easier. Patty's always going to be a thought in the back of my mind, I guess. I committed to her and I love her. And maybe that's part of the problem, nobody to take care of anymore, just myself. Even though I know I want her to be happy and move forward I don't know if I should be allowed to do the same.

You've been considering having a family alone? Really?

[riskanalyst]

Yeah, tell me about it.

Dude, there's nothing wrong with that. Nobody's saying you can't still love her and miss her, man. Shit, my marriage was a fucking mess, but I still love Marty and miss her sometimes, so it follows that you would definitely miss Patty, if your marriage was still a good one. I think you don't really have a choice but to move forward, though. Whether you like it or not, this place brought you back to life, so just by the nature of life itself, you have no choice but to move forward. Happy, though...that's up to you. Don't you think she'd want you to be happy, too, though, man? Even if you couldn't be happy with her?

Yeah, I mean...Marty and I tried really hard for kids. It just never panned out. I wouldn't have tried so hard if I didn't really want 'em, you know? So yeah, I've thought about it.