memory share; random

[passedthedoor]

[Visible to literally any and everyone that wants to see it - whole video applicable.

Warnings: domestic abuse, violence, blood, murder.

Threadjacking, whatever, is a-okay.]

Ghost!Sally remembers her death.

Comments

text;

[duelo]

Is this Sally? Sorry, I don't think we've talked much. I'm Derek. I think you should know that I just saw something I don't think I was supposed to have. It just kind of hit me while I was down in the gym.

Maybe it's just my imagination being especially shitty to me today, but...did you have a fiance named Danny?

text;

[passedthedoor]

Yeah this is Sally you've got the right gal. Hi, Derek.

I'm not sure where I thought this was going when I started reading this message, but yeah my fiance was named Danny...what did you see?

text;

[duelo]

I'm guessing not in this direction and I'm sorry about it.

He pushed you down the stairs. But it was like a memory within a memory or something? It was like I was remembering you remembering yourself having a fight with him and him pushing you down the stairs.

I really hope that was my imagination. Nobody deserves to be treated like that.

text;

[passedthedoor]

It's not something you can help but I appreciate the sentiment.

Yeah when I died I didn't remember how, I didn't remember how it happened or that Danny was the one that did it, it took me longer than it should have to get those memories back.

So it's not your imagination. It was real and I'm sorry that you had to see it.

[duelo]

I'm sorry that you had to endure it. Sometimes it's hard to see something when it's right in front of you. I've had exes who tried to kill me before. I had one who murdered my whole family.

It makes you feel really fucking stupid when you finally put the pieces together, I know that feeling. Too well. ...this is the shittiest way I could ever have an opportunity to offer this but...if you ever want to talk about it with someone who kind of gets it... I'm around.

Hopefully, for your sake, I'm the only one who saw it and it'll begin and end with this conversation.

[passedthedoor]

Wait you've had exes - as in multiple - that tried to kill you? Holy shit, Derek...

You really do from the sound of it, god. I didn't think that I'd be saying that right now, and I just literally had to read what you said three times for it to click that you might be one of the few people that can actually say that and it not be horseshit. Shitty or not I appreciate it, it just...it's rought because I feel like I should have done things so differently looking back. And, for the record, if you ever need to talk - or have a girl vetted I'm around. My judgement has grown for the better, for the record.

That's usually not my luck, but wisheful thinking.

[duelo]

Yeah, two, if you can believe it. So if you think you feel stupid, imagine how I feel looking back at my life.

Yeah, I probably am. I'm kind of okay with being in a minority if that's the minority I'm in. It's not a club I'd wish membership on anyone, that's for sure.
And yeah, I know, I like to think mine has, too. It's impossible not to look at the past and nitpick the things you'd have done differently or notice the things you didn't notice when they were right in front of you. I get it.

I'll keep my fingers crossed.

unwittingly streaming video;

[righthandgirl]

( Jo gasps and her eyes are wide; her jaw is slack as she stares back at herself in the mirror, her hair wet and hanging lank around her face, a towel around her chest. )

Jesus fucking Christ...what the fuck?

video;

[passedthedoor]

[Sally blinks confused, head cocking to the side.]

Are you all right, Jo?

[righthandgirl]

( Another gasp escapes her and this time Jo startles physically before looking down at her arm. )

Holy shit, sorry. I didn't...I mean, I wasn't—

( She pauses and blinks slowly, willing herself to recenter and calm down. )

I just thought I saw something, like in my head. Unexpected.

( An awkward attempt at a small smile that falls short of still-shaken eyes creeps onto her expression. )

It was just my imagination, that's all. I don't know what happened. I didn't mean to be...posting...

[passedthedoor]

[It's in the eyes - Sally can tell that Jo is shaken - she can tell that the smile isn't reaching her eyes. And after what happened with Eddie, with Derek, and even with her seeing Eddie's death...

Sally sighs.]

If you saw something about me...it probably wasn't your imagination. It happened with me and my friend - I saw something from his past that was...terrible and can't really explain why. Did you see me?

[righthandgirl]

( Her breath hitches slightly and she frowns a little, pressing her lips together uncertainly. Should she say? It's probably a really intimate thing, right? Someone's death?

So Jo can't really find the words and, instead, closes her eyes and nods solemnly before opening them again and looking apologetic. If it was real and that really happened to her...how the fuck is she here? )

[passedthedoor]

It's okay - I'm sorry that you had to see that because, well, nobody should. Hell, even I shouldn't have had to live through it.

[Sally feels raw and she feels embarrassed, but still she can't help the concern on her face for the new girl.]

Are you okay?

video;

[riskanalyst]

[ Eddie is looking heartbroken, the shock having worn off and instead, a sort of distant look is on his face. He's thinking of Beverly and imagining where the bruises she'd thought she'd been hiding on her wrists had come from. He's imagining what it must feel like to be afraid like that all the time and he's coming up short because he was never afraid of his mother or Myra, not like that.

And now the cogs are turning. Eddie's eyes close in a slow blink and he frowns before actually attempting to start a video feed in Sally's inbox only to find that one has already started recording him. ]

I get it now. I think I just saw how you died, too. ...I am so sorry, Sally...

video;

[passedthedoor]

...shit

[Sally looks a mix between sad and, well, mortified because Eddie is the second person that she, at least suspects, now knows details about her life that she didn't really plan on fully going into with anyone. For as blunt as she is the details of Danny's controlling and manipulative brand of verbal, mental, and emotional abuse are something that she still, on some level, feels pathetic for putting up with....especially since it's what led her to losing her life before she really got to live it and created pretty much every issue that she's seen and been through in her afterlife.

Even if it hasn't all been bad.]

I didn't realize it'd be reciprocated to you - it's one thing to say my fiance killed me and another for you to see it. To see how stupid and pathetic I was.

[Sally scrubs her hand down her face, letting out a breath, knowing she probably shouldn't have been quite that honest with how she feels aboutt he situation, about how she was, but she should have gotten out.

Hindsight and all.]</small?

video;

[riskanalyst]

[ Eddie's expression drops and he shakes his head. ]

Hey, hey, hey...don't do that. Don't put yourself down like that. There's nothing stupid or pathetic about wanting to will a relationship into normalcy. And what he did isn't your fault. Don't let anybody ever tell you that it was, either. You hear me, Sally?

[ It comes out not unlike the way he's been talked to by Richie when the comedian is giving his friend a much-needed pep talk and, for the first time when talking like that, Eddie actually feels confident when he's saying it. ]

Re: video;

[passedthedoor]

[Despite the situation, Sally does manage the smallest of smiles, along with a nod.]

Yeah - I hear you. I just...I thought he was the one and I poured so much into working on that house with him, to make him happy, and I thought we were building something. I changed what I wanted and how I was to do that and I just can't believe how I didn't see what was going on now...just looking back. It doesn't make me feel great thinking about it.

[It's honest, probably too honest, but she can't take it back now.]

I know that you're right, though. It just...sucks.

[riskanalyst]

Good. You saw what you wanted to see. We've all been guilty of that. People like him prey on good people like you; people like him can spot it a mile away and they target you. It's intentional and it's shitty and it isn't your fault.

[ Eddie's not really sure if he's talking to Sally, still, or if he's trying to convince the absence of Beverly...or, shit, maybe even himself. ]

I don't blame you for the way you feel, but don't put yourself down for not seeing through him. People like that make it really hard to see them for who they really are.

[ And, really, he might be kind of a pussy, but the only time he feels brave is when a friend needs his help. The hard part here is that Sally's bully is Sally. ]

[passedthedoor]

Yeah, I know you're right - I mean I saw how much worse he got even after pretending to be sad and all of it, so it was intentional and shitty and he didn't want to be any different.

[If he had he wouldn't have targetted her best friend. If he had he wouldn't have killed himself to then turn around and haunt her. If he had Aidan and even Josh wouldn't have hated him the way he did.

He wouldn't have continued to push things the way that he did, period, if he hadn't been intentional and shitty.]

Until it's too late, anyway. I didn't see him, see how bad he was until I was dead. And even then the house I died in was trying to tell me, to make me see it clearly when I couldn't still. I wasn't even gone that long before he set his sights on my friend. And he tried to have an exorcism performed on the house to get rid of me...

[Sally shakes her head.]

God Danny was an asshole.

in person;

[atypically]

[ Caleb has to wait several minutes to feel comfortable coming out of his bedroom when he's still feeling the residual anger both from Sally and her piece of shit ex-fiance after that memory. Once he's sure he's not going to scare the shit out of her by punching a hole in a fucking wall to let it out of his system, Caleb pauses Call of Duty and leaves his bedroom, looking around the living room to see if she's in direct sight. ]

Hey Sally, are you home?

[ This would be so much fucking easier if Steve was still here... Caleb's not good at this stuff. She's going to get upset and then Caleb will be upset and he can't do anything about that. All he can do is feel it and try to hide it and just keep pushing through the conversation. Steve would've been a really nice buffer right about now... ]

in person;

[passedthedoor]

[After feeling, figuratively speaking, the gut-punch of what she can only assume is Eddie's memory of his death Sally is reeling, and it's only made worse by the almost immediate reciprocation. She never wanted anyone to know exactly what went on with danny - it was enough that Aidan and Josh knew so much about it, so much about what went on between her and Danny and how badly it all went.

And now other people, some of whom she never would want...pity or for them to think any less of her are getting the full scope of how mousy and different she was, and what she put up with that let her life be ripped away from her. That's exactly the self-pitying reason that Sally's in the kitchen, tugging a tub of icecream from the freezer when she freezes at hearing Caleb's voice.]

In my usual haunt - the kitchen.

[She hopes her voice sounds somewhat normal as she closes the creezer and goes for a spoon. Please don't let Caleb be another person who got to experience Danny. Please don't let him think any differently...]

Want some icecream?

[She knows her voice is not normal, she's somewhat anxious and worried, but it's not like she can banish it all no matter how much she'd really like to.]

[atypically]

[ Hearing her call back, Caleb sighs softly and heads out of his room, leaving the door ajar — he never does that because it's a pigsty in there most of the time — and heading to the kitchen to find her.

She looks more upset than she'd sounded and the second he moves into the kitchen, he can feel it. It's anxiety, it's worry, it's embarrassment, and it's just a general discomfort and it's strangling him. ]

Fuck yeah, I do.

[ His own voice is low and melancholy as he goes to get his own spoon and drops down at the kitchen table beside her rather than across from her. ]

Today's fucking stupid. Pretty sure I'm about to make it worse, but...

[ He waits until she at least gets to have a spoonful of the sugary, cold confection to soften the blow. ]

There's something fucked up going on and you're the third person I've seen die today. He was a real fucking piece of shit, you know, you're better off without him, but... It fucking sucks what he did to you.

[ He doesn't go into detail to rub salt in the wound, just digs into the tub of ice cream — which tastes less awesome when they have to pay for it now that Steve isn't bringing home tubs of it for free all the time — and takes a spoonful into his mouth. ]

...you okay? You're seeing things, too, huh? I can feel it.

[ He's mentioned in passing the empathy thing, only to her and Steve, and only because Alyssa tore him a new asshole for not warning her about it. But still. Sally knows. ]

[passedthedoor]

[It's not the full-faced, bright smile that she might normally give, but CAleb wanting icecream is a comfort; that's one thing that she has liked about living with Steve and then Steve and Caleb before Steve went back....teenage boys can polish off food with the best of 'em. And it's easy to bond, to find comfort, and a point of meeting up on with food.

depositing the lid on the counter, Sally drops down at the kitchen table, tub in front of her and getting a nice healthy scoop of icecream - she's almost posisitve that this tub isn't going to make it through the nice, it's not full anyway, but with everything that is going on and happening and being revealed....wellit's just not happening. Especially not between the two of them.

Sally pops her spoon into her mouth trying to brace herself for the blow, but it still feels like the same gut-punch. Sliding the spoon out of her mouth, icecream smoothed out and some remnants on the spoon, Sally swallows her mouth full and wets her lips trying to figure out what to say. There's no...rule of conduct with having people see your remember your death, or seeing your abusive ex shove you down the stairs. She hates that Caleb feels like he's making it worse, especially considering it's not his fault.]

It's not all death - I saw something that wasn't as terrible that I can only assume was a memory.

[Sally admits, moving to polish the icecream off of her spoon, eyes down on the tub itself.]

But it hasn't really made up for the rest of it - I saw Eddie. And at least three other people got to see Danny and what he did to me. So, I'm feeling...a little raw. A lot of stupid, embarrassed, and ashamed.

[Sally admits, and it's true, there's more, of course, but those are what she can really pinpoint, and she's not going to bother to pretend she doesn't given the fact that Caleb can feel it anyway - which she feels bad for.]

[atypically]

Must've been nice. All I've seen is death.

[ He pauses with the spoon nearly to his mouth. ]

No, that's a lie. Death and some dude singing to his girlfriend. But mostly death.

[ With that, Caleb shoves the spoon into his mouth, enjoying the ice cream's cold creamy texture. He should invite Adam over, he knows that, but part of him thinks that maybe this is like when he and Vanya sort of bonded over losing Laura. Neither of them had been especially close to her, but it still felt shitty when she'd gone. For the first night, at least. And then he and Sally when Steve had disappeared. He can see Adam later. Sally needs him now. He can feel them both just steeping in her upset and shame. ]

I saw Eddie, too, and that fucking clown that Richie was always talking about when he was a kid. Pennywise the kid-killing clown. That was fucked up, what happened to him. I'm gonna have nightmares for the rest of my goddamned life, Jesus...I wonder if they do, too. Him and Richie, I mean.

[ That's rhetorical and mostly off-handed. Another spoonful of ice cream. He's still having nightmares from the first experience he's had with that fucking clown. Then, he looks back at her and sighs. ]

There's nothing to be ashamed of. He's the one that should've felt ashamed. What a fucking shitbag. Literally, what kind of piece of shit does that? Fuck him, Sally. And you're not dead here, so really, really fuck him. You get the last laugh, you just have to take it.

[passedthedoor]

I'd take singing ove some of the other things I've seen.

[Sally offers druly, watching Caleb and realizing that she feels bad for the teen. She's, technically speaking, older than him, but he's gone through so much. He goes through so much on an every day basis. He feels things that other people feel, and she can't help but wonder how much worse this makes things for him.

It's been easy, up to this point, to keep things like and just get along, but there is a kinship here with the younger man, much like when Steve had gone. Icecream and both of them miserable about teh current state of things and all. Still, she winces as she realizes that Caleb not only saw her but Eddie's too.]

Completely fucked up - I didn't know what to think of how jumpy and agitated Eddie was when he got here, but now that I've seen it...I get it a little more - and I'm probably going to have freaking nightmares about it now that I've seen it, so I'm sure that they do, honestly....even if they don't talk openly about it. Bad shit sticks with you even if you don't realize it.

[Even years later. Even passed death. Everything Sally had been through lurked beneath the surface, after all. Sally scoops some more icecream out and pops the spoon into her mouth, nodding because she knows that Caleb is right. Even with what happened to Danny, with the fact that he died later on and everything - he was the shit back. He chose to make himself worse and worse, but Sally still feels some sense of culpability for it all, probably because he conditioned her to.]

The worst part is that he was never ashamed, not really. He was just angry underneath it all and pretended, but I am alive and he's not now, so it's something. And Id idn't get saddled with the last name Angeli in the long run.

[She tries to lighten things a little bit as she scoops some more icecream, unable to quite help herself. She'd rather try to lighten Caleb's load rather than bog him down even more if she can.]