nebulochaotic | memory share; random

[It's not the full-faced, bright smile that she might normally give, but CAleb wanting icecream is a comfort; that's one thing that she has liked about living with Steve and then Steve and Caleb before Steve went back....teenage boys can polish off food with the best of 'em. And it's easy to bond, to find comfort, and a point of meeting up on with food.

depositing the lid on the counter, Sally drops down at the kitchen table, tub in front of her and getting a nice healthy scoop of icecream - she's almost posisitve that this tub isn't going to make it through the nice, it's not full anyway, but with everything that is going on and happening and being revealed....wellit's just not happening. Especially not between the two of them.

Sally pops her spoon into her mouth trying to brace herself for the blow, but it still feels like the same gut-punch. Sliding the spoon out of her mouth, icecream smoothed out and some remnants on the spoon, Sally swallows her mouth full and wets her lips trying to figure out what to say. There's no...rule of conduct with having people see your remember your death, or seeing your abusive ex shove you down the stairs. She hates that Caleb feels like he's making it worse, especially considering it's not his fault.]

It's not all death - I saw something that wasn't as terrible that I can only assume was a memory.

[Sally admits, moving to polish the icecream off of her spoon, eyes down on the tub itself.]

But it hasn't really made up for the rest of it - I saw Eddie. And at least three other people got to see Danny and what he did to me. So, I'm feeling...a little raw. A lot of stupid, embarrassed, and ashamed.

[Sally admits, and it's true, there's more, of course, but those are what she can really pinpoint, and she's not going to bother to pretend she doesn't given the fact that Caleb can feel it anyway - which she feels bad for.]

Must've been nice. All I've seen is death.

[ He pauses with the spoon nearly to his mouth. ]

No, that's a lie. Death and some dude singing to his girlfriend. But mostly death.

[ With that, Caleb shoves the spoon into his mouth, enjoying the ice cream's cold creamy texture. He should invite Adam over, he knows that, but part of him thinks that maybe this is like when he and Vanya sort of bonded over losing Laura. Neither of them had been especially close to her, but it still felt shitty when she'd gone. For the first night, at least. And then he and Sally when Steve had disappeared. He can see Adam later. Sally needs him now. He can feel them both just steeping in her upset and shame. ]

I saw Eddie, too, and that fucking clown that Richie was always talking about when he was a kid. Pennywise the kid-killing clown. That was fucked up, what happened to him. I'm gonna have nightmares for the rest of my goddamned life, Jesus...I wonder if they do, too. Him and Richie, I mean.

[ That's rhetorical and mostly off-handed. Another spoonful of ice cream. He's still having nightmares from the first experience he's had with that fucking clown. Then, he looks back at her and sighs. ]

There's nothing to be ashamed of. He's the one that should've felt ashamed. What a fucking shitbag. Literally, what kind of piece of shit does that? Fuck him, Sally. And you're not dead here, so really, really fuck him. You get the last laugh, you just have to take it.

I'd take singing ove some of the other things I've seen.

[Sally offers druly, watching Caleb and realizing that she feels bad for the teen. She's, technically speaking, older than him, but he's gone through so much. He goes through so much on an every day basis. He feels things that other people feel, and she can't help but wonder how much worse this makes things for him.

It's been easy, up to this point, to keep things like and just get along, but there is a kinship here with the younger man, much like when Steve had gone. Icecream and both of them miserable about teh current state of things and all. Still, she winces as she realizes that Caleb not only saw her but Eddie's too.]

Completely fucked up - I didn't know what to think of how jumpy and agitated Eddie was when he got here, but now that I've seen it...I get it a little more - and I'm probably going to have freaking nightmares about it now that I've seen it, so I'm sure that they do, honestly....even if they don't talk openly about it. Bad shit sticks with you even if you don't realize it.

[Even years later. Even passed death. Everything Sally had been through lurked beneath the surface, after all. Sally scoops some more icecream out and pops the spoon into her mouth, nodding because she knows that Caleb is right. Even with what happened to Danny, with the fact that he died later on and everything - he was the shit back. He chose to make himself worse and worse, but Sally still feels some sense of culpability for it all, probably because he conditioned her to.]

The worst part is that he was never ashamed, not really. He was just angry underneath it all and pretended, but I am alive and he's not now, so it's something. And Id idn't get saddled with the last name Angeli in the long run.

[She tries to lighten things a little bit as she scoops some more icecream, unable to quite help herself. She'd rather try to lighten Caleb's load rather than bog him down even more if she can.]

Fucking right?

[ He looks back at Sally with lifted eyebrows as he takes another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. They probably shouldn't be eating out of the tub directly together the way they are. There's probably something about germs that his mother would be shitting a brick about if she could see it, but there's something weirdly cathartic and reassuring about doing that. It's almost like she's his friend. She probably would be if he was better at people. ]

I hate this place, sometimes, I fucking swear to God. And then I feel like a dick saying shit like that because, without this place, you and, like, Eddie wouldn't even be here. It's so fucked, just everything is so fucking fucked. You know?

[ He frowns slightly as she goes on but snorts a laugh in spite of himself, with the spoon still in his mouth, a new spoonful of it having just been shoveled in. ]

Oh my God, yeah that's a shitty last name. Definitely dodged a bullet on that one, Sal.

[ When he reaches to put the spoon back into the tub, Caleb can't help noticing that it's getting really low. ]

I wonder if Adam could get us any free ice cream or if Steve only got it because he was the manager...

[ Bringing Steve up still hurts and it shows on Caleb's face, his expression drawn down, eyes drifting down to his hands. ]

I miss him a fucking lot some days...

[ He looks up at Sally again. ]

Do you, too?

Hell, I'd volunteer to sing if I thought it'd help.

[Sally offers, holding back a small amused smile - it's just hard to let herself with what's going on, but as embarrassing as that would be she'd take anything over seeing all of this. And experiencing all of it. It's not fair to her or anybody else.

When people choose to share it's for a reason, and there isn't a choci involved in airing your business out like this, people seeing things that they never should. Still, Sally nods her agreement.]

I hate it a little too, though. It's...a pretty hefty price to pay for being alive. I don't know where I'd be if I weren't here, but I'm not always sure it's worth it - as ungrateful as that makes me sound - and I know it does. I've already had to re-live my teenagedom, which wow nobody wants to do, for the record, but now this... it's...It makes me feel powerless, which sucks.

[That's what it boils down to, she feels powerless. Again. Still, she manages a laugh before going for another spoonfull - she knew they'd polish this off, and she honestly doesn't even care.]

And I literally thought it was so great at one point. God, blinders...

[Popping the spoon in her mouth, Sally ponders for a moment before shrugging.]

Bet he could, honestly - pizza places let employees take leftovers and unclaimed home, seems like the same deal....and given how fast we polished this off we're going to have to stay stocked up cause there's no way this is over.

[Much as she hates to admit that fact. Still, Sally pauses and reaches over to put her hand over Caleb's hands, wanting to offer some sense of reassurance, some something.]

All the time. Steve is a good guy, and easy to be around - and I've thought of about fifty new things I wish I'd gotten the chance to make him try and eat too - stupid as that is.

[ Caleb shrugs a little. ]

I mean, given the fuckery here, I think it's kind of normal for you to wonder if it's worth it just to be alive. I'm not gonna judge you for that.

[ In spite of himself, Caleb huffs a quiet laugh at her comment about reliving teenagedom. ]

I don't even want to finish living out teenagedom the first time around, it's fucking unpleasant.

And you can freeze ice cream overnight and it tastes the same as it did when it was out the day before. If you freeze leftover pizza at the end of the night, you can't warm that shit up for paying customers the next day, though. So I don't know. I'll ask him. Or maybe he's at work right now and we can go get more and use his discount.

[ But he doesn't particularly want to move right now. He doesn't even really want to get up from the table now that he's here, but it merits being suggested. If she wants to, then she might perk up a little and then Caleb will, too.

She puts her hand over his and Caleb feels one corner of his mouth twitch a little like it wants to smile but can't quite manage it. By the time she finishes talking, though, Caleb laughs and nods, even though he still looks sad. ]

I can't believe he never fucking had Taco Bell before. The 80s were bullshit, I guess. You know...I had this whole, like, list of shit I wanted to show him at some point but...we never really got around to it. Now I wish I'd, like...I don't know. Whatever. It doesn't matter.

[ Part of him feels self-conscious and guilty for shifting the subject of conversation off of Sally's death and to his grief for his missing friend — for all Caleb knows, Steve could be dead by now. Demi-whatthefucks or whatever? Fuck. Another part of him doesn't feel that bad because she'd probably rather the subject shift away. It's just a shame that he can't think of anything lighter to talk about instead. ]

Oddly enough that helps.

[Kind of weird that having someone give your permission, in a roundabout way, to question whether or not being alive is worth the BS that you have to put up in the meanwhile. Sally hasn't thought much about it to this point, but...she really does like Caleb. He's a good guy, observant. And there is something nice about being around him, a similar and yet different variation of how it'd been nice to have Steve around too.

They remind her of Aidan and Josh in different ways.]

Lucky you that you're not too far away, just have to push through a little longer.

[Sally reassures Caleb with a small wink before shrugging a little bit. It is true that you can re-freeze icecream, but Steve had definitely brought more than a little bit home, that much she knows.]

Fair point - maybe he'll have to look into it, but I think we've got enough munchies around here that I'll survive on one tub alone for tonight, anyway.

[Sally grins - only to actually laugh a little bit, one that isn't as full-bellied with the normal gusto that she has.]

God, I know - and it was like pulling teeth to get him to try Indian food, and he loved, basically, everything that he tried. He was born in the wrong time, I think.

[Sally muses - genuinely thinking that Steve was meant for a different time, a different era because he fit so well into live around here as far as she's concerned. She manages to knock herself out of her thought process, looking at Caleb and tilting her head.]

You wish you'd made it more of a priority - I get it. It's easy, even in my situation, to think you have all this time to do things....then when you realize you don't it sucks. I'm pretty sure that Steve, though, was more than happy with what he did get to try along the way. And he'd be mad if we didn't continue to eat as much and as adventurous on his behalf as possible.

[It's not quite full-gusto, but Sally manages a small wmile, trying to focus on that positive thought, that thing, little thing, that they can do.]

[ In spite of the foul mood he's in, when Sally laughs, it's almost contagious even though it's not her normal, full-on laugh. Caleb's laughing a little, too. ]

You should've seen his face when I showed him Dippin' Dots for the first time. I asked if they had 'em at Dippity Doo Dah's 'cause I thought that's why it was called "Dippity" Doo Dah's, but he just looked at me like I grew a second head, so I, like, Googled an image and he, like, lost his mind over it. I looked it up later and they were released back in the 80s, but maybe they just weren't as easy to find back then as they are now. And he about shit himself when I showed him my game consoles.

[ Caleb's laughter subsides into something of a fond sort of sadness. He does miss his friend an awful lot. Hopefully, things aren't as bad back in Steve's 1980s Indiana as they had been when he'd left it.

Running a hand through his moppy curls, Caleb looks back up at Sally, nodding in agreement at her conclusion. They'll just have to keep doing things the way they're doing them, for Steve, while he's gone. Maybe he'll come back. Some people have, haven't they? At least one of those Hargreeves guys did...maybe Steve will, someday. ]

Do you think he even remembers us to miss us, too? Some people said we won't remember when we go back...

[ He hates that idea as much as he loves it. He'll miss the people he met here too much to be fully happy without them in his life when he goes home, but at the same time, it's incredibly sad to think about losing all of the memories he's made with them while he's been here. ]

[Sally can't help her grin, little peels of laughter escaping as she hears about the dippin' dots and when they came out; Steve was adorable. And itw as easy to like him, it still is. Part of Sally wonders if it's possible that he might come back, like if they're all touched by this in some way it means, somehow, that this whole portal/multiverse stuff might not be done with them considering some of the people she's seen in the group of supes, but it's really hard to say.

All she does know at the moment is that Steve is missed and hopefully whatever he went back to he got out of - for the better.]

Maybe not, and it's not like he explored a lot without a little help from some good people. He probably misses the consoles as much as the food too, knowing how addictive those suckers are.

[Sally spoons out a little more icecream as she looks up, considering what she thinks, and what she wants to say to Caleb in this instance. It's almost easier to take this turn in the conversation than to stay on the subject of being a survivor of domestic abuse - except for the fact that she has no fucking idea on any of it.]

I like to think that he remembers us to miss us, and to keep moving froward, it's hard to say with portals and...magic and all of it. It seems like this place...should leave some sort of mark or something on us. I prefer the idea that the people that go back get something out of it other than a random ass vacation - in some cases from hell - that they don't get to even remember. Has anybody actually come back from being sent off that you know of?

[Sally spins the question around to Caleb, knowing he's been around a little longer than her.[

[ Caleb shakes his head. He wouldn't have asked what she thought if he already knew the answer. The best they've got is speculation. ]

There was a dude that came back, I guess, but I didn't know him. I don't know if he remembered. He seemed confused as fuck on the anon post when everyone was asking him or whatever, but what little I did know of the guy...he could've just been high as fuck and that's why he was confused.

[ Frowning slightly, Caleb slumps a little in his seat. ]

I don't want him to remember us if it means he'll miss us and be miserable back home for it. But, like...

[ He shrugs a little and frowns. ]

He was my best friend, so I don't want him to forget us, either...

[Sally nods a little bit, still unsure as to where that leaves things - it's hard to say one way or another considering neither of the have experienced it, honestly - and neither knows anyone who has, so all they can do is go around and around.

Putting her spoon down, Sally leans on her elbows and looks at Caleb.]

Of course you don't, that's normal - it's hard to care about people, but I get where you're coming from. I, for one, am going to choose to believe that even though he might miss us...it won't be all bad becausewe made his life better while he was here, helped him grow. I think that's the best thing we can focus on - and hope, honestly.

[Sally taps the table top in a light slap and moves to get up.]

Now, here's your warning - I'm going to give you a hug because I think we could both use one right about now. I promise I won't force hugs often, but this is just one of those times - it's been a rough day, rough memories, and rough thoughts that we're going to have to try and think positively on.

[And she means it, she knows this has been rough, and it probably will continue to, but now that she's up and he's got his warning, Sally moves to put her arms around Caleb to give him a hug. Yeah, it's probably too familiar considering they're not insanely close, but...Caleb is easy to talk to and she does feel a connection there - he reminds her, in small ways, of her brother and even of Josh and Aidan, the roommates that became more family than the one she'd left behind in death.

This isn't death but she doesn't have people here, she does have a roommate, and she does find that she wants to be there for Caleb whens he can, so she moves to give him a hug - warm and friendly.]

[ Caleb's eyes follow Sally as she slides the chair back from the table and gets to her feet. A soft huff of amusement escapes him when she announces her intentions ahead of time. He can't remember the last time he hugged somebody who wasn't Adam or someone in his immediate family, come to think of it...

He smiles a little when she hugs him and even though it's an awkward angle between her standing and him sitting, Caleb does his best to return it, leaning his head slightly to touch hers and his tone is light when he speaks, trying to inject a little bit of levity. ]

I'll let it slide this time, but only because we ran out of ice cream.

Does that mean I can get a pass every time we run out of icecream 'cause I have a feeling we're going to do that fairly often?

[Sally teases Caleb back, an actual smile pulling at her features as she squeezes her roommate for a moment before pulling back, looking down at him and actually feeling better than she did earlier.]

I don't know about all that, I mean...

[ When he hedges, though, it's playfully. ]

Thanks, Sally.

[A bubble of laughter pops out of Sallys mouth and she nods, grinning at the younger roommate.]

Any time, Caleb.

memory share; random

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