004 || video, Friday night

[longoverdue]

Hey, is there anyone here who’s usually got the ability to travel through time and shit? ‘Cause I think there might’ve been a mix-up. [You think, Richie?] Five minutes ago it was Wednesday for me. I didn’t go home and I didn’t get kidnapped either, I was just walking down the fucking street. Thought I’d speed it up a notch, did not count on accidentally popping into Friday.

[He runs a hand through his hair.]

I sure as shit won’t be doing that again. Christ, this is way more trouble than it’s worth.

[fail!locked to the Losers]

I’m okay. Fuck. I’m sorry about freaking you guys out, I swear, I didn’t mean to. Eddie, if you donated any of my suits to Goodwill, I’ll stretch out your fanciest jacket.

Comments

[riskanalyst]

Dude, what the fuck?

INTERNAL THOUGHT MATRIX ACTIVATED:

I mean, I guess that makes Stanley's "here but not here" thing make sense, but...

...why the fuck would I do that, dickwad? Don't touch my clothes, ya sasquatch.

[longoverdue]

I don't know! It wasn't like I was planning to skip two days and go straight to the weekend! [Internal thought matrix cuts in here to add:] I mean, I thought about it, like, haha, wouldn't it be great to just skip straight to the weekend, but I didn't think it'd actually happen.

[The matrix drops just then, which is good because Richie is more than a little surprised by the "here but not here" thing.]

I mean, sort of? I didn't—I wouldn't leave, Eds, not if you and the others were still around. [The internal matrix kicks back in just in time to add:] And I wouldn't fucking leave you again if I had a say in it.

[Then it drops.]

Aw, but I'd look great in your clothes. I'd look like a fucking, what do the kids call it these days, meal in the cardigan and polo shirt combo, I bet. [A beat.] A Happy Meal with parts you could choke on.

[riskanalyst]

Well yeah, not on purpose, I know that. That's why I was freaking out. I knew you wouldn't just bail and the fact that you were gone but your shit was still here meant that something else happened and I had a fucking back feeling about that.

[ He words ramble out rapidly the way they always do when he's stressed out. On the plus side, he's not dragging on the aspirator this time. ]

Beep, beep. You stretch out my shit and you have to buy me new stuff. Them's the rules.

[longoverdue]

Sorry. If it helps, I'm sure as shit not doing it again. [Pause.] Well, just as soon as I figure out how it even works.

[Listen, he's smart, but he's new to having powers that are actually useful. He pushes his hand through his hair, absently notes that he ought to get himself a haircut or something.]

By new stuff, do you mean new cardigans and polo shirts, or can I get you something a little more risqué? A shirt without a breast pocket, maybe? Or a lower neckline?

[riskanalyst]

Yeah, good, that actually does help.

[ He sighs. Sure, that helped until Richie almost immediately negated it in the next breath... ]

I have shirts without breast pockets, dickwad.

[longoverdue]

Oooh, we're getting frisky, aren't we? [A corner of Richie's mouth turns upward.] What's next? Going out in public wearing ripped jeans? Not wearing a jacket when it's cold? Not wearing a fanny pack like it's the eighties again?

[riskanalyst]

[ Eddie rolls his eyes and shakes his head, smiling a little. Leave it to Richie to drag out a joke until it's started to lose its novelty. Sometimes he thinks he's a one-man test audience. When he retorts, it has the same level of bite and levity their banter always has, though. ]

I haven't worn one of those since freshman year of high school, so fuck you, dude.

[solipsistically]

That would be me. You're lucky you didn't get stuck. The first time I tried it, I spent forty-five years alone in an apocalypse because I couldn't get back.

I take it you're the one who can toggle back and forth between child and adult bodies, then? While incredibly weird, that has been a shockingly useful ability for me, so I suppose thanks for that.

[longoverdue]

What? Jesus. Yeah, I guess I did get lucky. Fuck, man, that's fucked up.

[A nod.] I don't do it as often as I did when I was a kid, 'course. And you're welcome, but I'd like my abilities back, thanks. I've had my fill of time travel for a lifetime.

[solipsistically]

Yeah, you did. Next time, just use the spatial jumps. Don't fuck around with time, it's too tricky. The spatial jumping, though, that's easy and doesn't get you into too much trouble.

[ Number Five nods. ]

Well, I suppose it's more use to me than you at this point, then, so you're probably not missing it so much as you're just rattled from losing a few days in the timeline. Normally, I look like a fucking prepubescent snotrag. I'm kind of enjoying having the right body back for a little while, personally.

That said, I do miss the jumps a lot, so I'd be happy to switch back if I had any fucking idea how to go about that. It's a work in progress.

[longoverdue]

...the what now.

[Congratulations, Richie is apparently really bad at having teleportation abilities! Because it's literally at this exact moment that he realizes if he can teleport through time, he can also teleport through space.]

Oh, good for you. I remember being a pubescent, hormonal little shit, it was all kinds of fucked-up. [Internal thought matrix kicks in just then, adding:] And that's without the fucking clown trying to kill us.

[solipsistically]

[ Five is, shockingly, patient about this. ]

Spatial jumps. You can teleport through space, as well, and it's a lot safer and easier than teleporting through time.

I'm not a pubescent hormonal little shit, I just look like one. It's a long story.

[ His eyebrows lift. ]

Clown? Do I even want to know...?

[longoverdue]

...so by teleporting through space, does that mean I could, hypothetically, teleport into California and then back here in ten seconds flat?

[A beat. When the fuck did he say anything about the clown? Richie scrolls up to check.

...the temptation to fling this stupid comm into the ocean is very strong right now. But Richie manages to resist it, and shrugs.]

I'll show you mine if you show me yours. How about that?

[solipsistically]

More like one or two seconds flat, but yeah, pretty much.

[ Five's eyebrows lift with interest at the pause. ]

Figured yours out already, hoss. Normally, I'm stuck looking like this. Unless you've got something else?

[winterfires]

[ Beverly looks like she hasn’t been sleeping all that well, but the relief in her features is impossible to hide. ]

God, Richie, it’s so good to see you. Are you okay?

[longoverdue]

[Great. Now Richie feels more than a little guilty. He hadn’t even meant to pull this stunt, and yet here he fucking is.]

I’m fine, Bev, see? No harm done. I just traveled in time, apparently. [A beat.] Jesus Christ, did I just say that?

[winterfires]

[ If it helps, the lack of sleep is only partially due to Richie disappearing; behind the exhaustion, there’s a haunted look in her eyes that has more to do with the new voices in her head. ]

That’s crazy. So you just appeared here?

[longoverdue]

You think it's crazy now, try it from my end. Nothing like finding out you skipped two days in two minutes, huh? But yeah, I just showed back up here.

[Now to other, more important matters:] You okay, Bev?

[winterfires]

I bet. I’m really glad you’re back and that you’re okay.

[ She shrugs before making a motion as if to tell him not to worry about it, very much how she used to whenever she’d show up to see her friends with a bruise she couldn’t quite hide. ]

Yeah, I got some new powers myself and they’re hard to turn off. I’m good, though.

[longoverdue]

What kinda new powers? I've had to deal with the adjustment period before, d'you want anything?

[atypically]

Way to go, asshole. Next time, just wait for the weekend like the rest of us.

[ Come on, it's a little funny, right?

Caleb sobers a little and looks sympathetic. ]

You good, dude?

[longoverdue]

Now why would I wait when I've got a nifty little time travel ability, huh?

[Dry as dust. But he drops it with a groan.]

Yeah, I'm fine, I just found out I skipped two fucking days. Christ. I gotta talk to the manager at the Oakdale, make some excuses.

[atypically]

Dude, just tell the truth. I mean, they know we have powers. It's not that much more unbelievable than what you can actually do, you know?

[longoverdue]

What I can actually do is small potatoes compared to goddamn time travel. [A sigh.] Shit, and here I like the Oakdale. I've probably pissed her off, being absent without warning for two days—she gets pissed when acts cancel with no warning.

[A beat.]

You think she'll accept "went home for a couple days" as an excuse?

[atypically]

Sure, why not? It happens. Tell her the portal sent you home and then brought you back. I mean, do you fuck off unexpectedly with no communication often?

[ Caleb shrugs both with his face and his shoulders. ]

If this is an anomaly in your professional behavior, then there's no reason for them not to believe you, right? Shit happens when you're a Super.

[imprudency]

Oh shit, did you take a little time travel vacation? Cause it just so happens I know a guy who can do just that.

[ And the feisty little shit is a grown ass man right now, so there are a lot of questions on the table. ]

You all right there? I can call the Shakespeare with Dogs people to cheer you up. Time travel's a bitch and a half, especially when it's unexpected.

[longoverdue]

This guy look much older than he usually is, then? 'Cause I think I've got an idea what just happened here.

[A tired laugh.]

Y'know what, I'll take it. It's been a fucked-up week, and Shakespeare with Dogs is just the cure it needed.

[imprudency]

Oh yeah, much older.

[ He frowns a little at the thought. Their powers are dangerous enough as it is with half a life of training, but to throw them on someone else? He's suddenly feeling very fortunate that he only managed to swap with his sister. ]

But you can say that again. A fucked up few months, if you ask me. This place definitely knows how to party.

[longoverdue]

Then he's got my abilities and I've got his. I'd say he and I should meet up somewhere remote and exchange them back, but I haven't figured out how just yet.

[Also he literally just found out, you know, he can jump long distances. So he'll be trying that, instead.]

Take it from me, once you've been interdimensionally kidnapped once before, you're at least a little bit prepared for whatever fucked-up party games places like this might throw at you.

[offtheboard]

I'm really glad that my feeling didn't let me down this time. You had people worried, asshole.

I should have had him donate your suits just for the trouble.

[longoverdue]

Sorry! If it helps, I didn't mean to.

Sure, you can buy me a new one. Hope you've got a shitload of money squirreled away, those things can get expensive.

[offtheboard]

It's what you get for trying to speed through your life.

No thanks, though I am squirreling money away I'm working on other plans and relax - your suits are intact and where you left them, asshole.

[longoverdue]

Yeah, yeah, lesson learned, take life one day at a time like the rest of us.

I know, Eddie told me. [And here comes the internal thought matrix kicking right in at the worst time:] I can lose a suit, I can't lose any of you. Not fucking again.