nebulochaotic | Mem share

[ He chooses this over video for Diego's sake, not his own. ]

Hey man, you should know that I'm seeing some shit about you that I shouldn't be seeing...

...Oh.

[He doesn't know what that means. How much, what, it might chance between them, depending on what Derek was shown. But he tries not to let it show how much it bothers him.]

Well, I guess it was a matter of time before they dragged some of mine out, too, huh?

[Pause.]

What'd they show you?

Yeah, I guess so.

[ Where to start? ]

A lot of random stuff I'm guessing is from home for you. Mostly your mom and that woman you dated. Patch.

[ And, well. Might as well address the elephant in the room. One of them, at least. ]

...why were you asking about the lunar patterns, anyway? Were you afraid I'd lose control even though I told you I wouldn't...?

Edited 2020-07-19 05:23 (UTC)

Guess you and Laura got the same ones.

[It's muttered, more to himself than to Derek, but he doesn't doubt that he heard him anyway. Diego's gotten used to Derek hearing way more than he would like sometimes.

That question threw him off, though. He'd honestly almost forgotten about that, it seemed so far away and long ago. Despite every attempt at keeping the other man at arm's length, Derek is his best friend. He doesn't think of him as a threat at all, but that doesn't mean that isn't how he looked at him, at one point.]

Derek... you were some guy admitting to being a werewolf and everything that entails as free as air. I get it-- now, I get you were just in a place where you felt like it was okay to share that kind of thing, because weird was the expected there, when it never was at home... but- yeah. When we were first started talking, I was assessing a threat.

[Diego's not one to mince words, especially when the conversation is so specifically pointed. Honestly, it's just lucky he doesn't feel backed into a corner, or this would be a lot worse.]

[ That...stings. It's expected; he mentally prepares for pretty much that exact response, but it still stings because it's Diego. So he waits a moment before responding because he doesn't want that to come through in his voice. It feels like a million years ago even if it was only just shy of one. ]

You weren't the first one. You probably won't be the last, either. It is what it is. At least you're honest about it.

I mean, I'm... not really gonna lie about who I am. Doesn't matter how much I hated him, Dad drilled certain things down into us and no amount of time away from him or the Academy will stop those instincts from coming first.

I was surprised you answered what I was asking so easily, if I'm honest. I mean- all the gritty details of is there truth in the myths about bloodlust and ways you could be hurt or contained... it didn't ever dawn on you that wasn't just some curious dude asking questions to be friendly?

[Or had he told him all of those things in spite of curious suspicion? Had Derek really laid trust on the table that early? Because Diego isn't sure how to feel about that (except overwhelmed).]

In retrospect it did, but by then, I'd already said it. That's half my fucking problem, man, it always has been. I get comfortable with something and then I get immediately sloppy and make bad decisions. Sometimes, like with you, I get lucky. Other times, people end up dead and it's my fault.

[ He thinks that they should probably be having this conversation in person but makes no move to suggest it. This is more comfortable...if there can be any comfort to be had in this sort of conversation, anyway. ]

I think a small part of me figured if you were more than some curious dude asking questions, there wasn't anybody there that gave a shit about me or that I cared about, so the only person that could get hurt was me and if that happened, then it happened.

[ It's probably been a long time coming, anyway, but Derek doesn't say that because it sounds worse than it is and he worries Diego might mention it to Laura who will, almost definitely, take it as a huge red flag that he's depressed or something. He isn't, anymore. Not really. He was, but he isn't. So he keeps that bit to himself. ]

[Diego's not sure they'd have this conversation face-to-face. This is definitely more comfortable, if not actively anything like easier.]

Sometimes, we're so different, it's really fuckin' crazy, you know that?

[Because in so many other ways, they are so alike. But Diego can't imagine ever getting quite that sloppy. Especially if he had things like that to hide.]

How noble of you. [There's a smirk in his voice, that levity that doesn't belong in a conversation this heavy still there anyway. It's kind of The Hargreeves Way, after all.]

But honestly, man? I may have started talking to you, to seek out answers about a potential threat, but-- It doesn't matter anymore. I don't see you like that. [There's a pause and he presses his tongue to the inside of his cheek. It is so much more a Derek thing to be sentimental than a Diego one, but sometimes.... it hits, sometimes, things just need to be said, and he isn't sure he's ever said it quite so plainly, so...] You're my best friend.

Sometimes, we are.

[ A mirthless laugh escapes him and Derek sighs. ]

I wish it was about being noble and not just about the fact that patterns are patterns for a reason and it was nice to not have to worry about perpetuating that particularly fucking ugly one for a change.

[ There might have been a time when hearing those words coming out of Diego's mouth would've floored him, but by now...Diego never had to say them for Derek to know it. So, hearing them isn't a shock. ]

I know you don't. You're my best friend, too. [ And, in the interest of always being the more emotionally vulnerable one in the relationship because he knows that he has to be; it's just how it is with Diego, Derek adds another sentiment for good measure, framed as a joke just in case. ]

You're also the only friend I'd ever had up until really recently, so I don't know how high a compliment that is, but...

Shut up-- you're supposed to take the nobility and leave the rest out of it. God, you're bad at this game.

[Derek can probably practically hear the way Diego is shaking his head and rolling his eyes just through the faux-indignant sound in his voice.

Good thing the smile on his face at that reciprocated sentiment can't be seen-- that'd be embarrassing.]

Man, you got the awful end of that stick. You just think I'm a great friend cause you never had anything to compare it with.

In my defense, I'm bad at most things so this is hardly the worst thing to be bad at.

[ What's a little self-deprecating human between friends, right? In spite of himself, Derek laughs, shaking his head. ]

That's probably true, but it's also probably true that I'm your best friend because I'm the only one bad enough at people to feel like randomly inviting you to have a drink wasn't fucking weird. In retrospect, it was fucking weird and I can't believe you took me up on it.

[He snickers.] Idiot.

Yeah [He almost sounds like he's building to say something serious and then...] but-- everything about you's weird, so it tracks, right?

He said, somehow miraculously missing the heavy irony in the accusation.

[ He pauses and laughs, rolling his eyes before reciprocating the preceding insult. ]

Ass.

Edited 2020-07-25 17:51 (UTC)

Hey, I never said I wasn't.

[He never said he was, either, though, did he?]

I've got a nice one, ask your sister.

[Sometimes, every now and then, he just has to cross lines just to get the reaction out of Derek.]

[ Groaning, Derek frowns. ]

I hate you.

[ He is so lucky Vanya got ported away before Derek could finally tell her how he feels about her, so that he doesn't have to know what a fucking obnoxious nightmare this situation is. ]

That's noted, by the way, as a reason to find a way to make you temporarily miserable later on down the line. I hope you know that.

[He's laughing, the entire time, because he is an ass.]

Oohh, vindictive. I like it.

Yeah, you like it now. Just wait.

Okay, well that's the cutest thing I've ever seen. Who knew a little puppy could make a stoic guy like you light up like a Christmas tree...

Can you blame me?

No, I mean, he's adorable. It's super weird seeing Derek Hale with a puppy, but I appreciated the levity all the same.

Glad to be of service, I guess.

[ He sounds neutral when he says it, but the takeaway is heartbreaking. Not for Five, but for Diego. If Diego knows his brother at all, he'll be able to pick up on that. ]

You're the one who shut Mom down? Shit, Diego...

[He feels the entire world tilt at that comment, and his jaw clenches tighter, his teeth sinking around his tongue until he can taste blood. That pain is better, and easier, to deal with than having to face this. Again. That makes three of them that know now.]

I... [His mouth moves wordlessly and shakes his head.] Wh- how much did you see?

[Does it matter? It feels like it should, but he's not sure that it does. He did it. She had seemed so understanding about it as it was happening... it just made it harder.]

Enough.

[ The tone softens a little and Five frowns sympathetically. Grace never really felt like a mother to Five because he'd been one of the only ones, if not the only one, who was willing to acknowledge that she's a robot and she'd been programmed to care for them; that she'd been unable to feel the love she projected onto them. Diego, though... He was entirely another story and right now is hardly the moment to rub salt in an open wound. At least not into one of Diego's open wounds. ]

I'm sorry you had to do that. That must have been really hard.

[Diego never denied the fact that the only mother they'd ever known was what she was-- she was a robot, programmed by dad to be who and what she was. But he'd always had arguably the strongest connection with her; maybe that just spoke more to his desperate need for that kind of (seemingly) unconditional love. It never mattered how much he fucked up, Mom never said as much. She was just... supportive and there and she cared in all the ways Dad didn't (couldn't?), and he'd latched onto it like a man in hell with a glass of water.]

Yeah... yeah, I- it... it was.

[He has to appreciate that Five isn't grilling him about it; that he isn't pointing out all the reasons this wasn't as bad as he thought it was, reminding him Mom wasn't a real person anyway.]

[ Five takes in a deep breath and sighs it out again heavily. ]

This would normally be the part where I'd offer to take you out to get drunk as a skunk and then make sure you got home okay to sleep it off, but since I'm pretty fucking useless for most of that...

[ He shrugs. He never really does this, but... ]

I'll spar with you if you want to get some of the shitty feelings out.

Yeah?

[It's been over a decade since he's done anything like that with Five. He disappeared when they were so young, he missed out on a lot of things, honestly. But Diego is sure he's not like he was when he was actually thirteen anymore. He won't go easy on him just because he's an old man, either.]

All right. I'll take that offer.

Yeah, fuck it, why not?

[ They both know it's not going to amount to much because Five adapts and the others whine about it, but Reginald isn't here to back Five up and they're not children anymore. But he can try, he supposes. Why not, indeed? ]

I just got a...barrage of your memories, Diego.

I saw your family, Patch, your mom, your siblings, you and Derek...I'd tease the two of you about the puppy playdate you had if I weren't feeling a little bit from the rest of it.

[Laura's tone is soft, open, and honest.

There's no point in pretending or not being open and honest about it; it's a shock to the system becaue it's so much to process. It's different from hearing him talk about Patch to seeing her, hearing the way he and others spoke about her. Seeing the pain on his face at losing her, at turning his mom off - there's more to digest than she even knows where to start, but telling him seems like the first step.]

Great...

[His tone is flat, but not emotionless. He can guess what most of those memories probably were-- Patch's death, and turning off Mom (maybe watching her from the window of the collapsing Academy)-- it could be any number of thing involving his siblings, though, so that's a toss-up, honestly.]

Sorry you got saddled with all that. I'm sick of this memory dump bullshit.

[He wouldn't wish his memories on anyone, honestly. Not very many of them are good ones.]

Mem share

audio (private);

audio (private);

audio (private);

audio (private);

audio (private);

audio (private);

audio (private);

audio (private);

Re: audio (private);

audio (private);

Re: audio (private);

audio (private);

audio (private);

audio (private);

Re: audio (private);

audio (private);

audio (private);

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

private audio;

private audio;