nebulochaotic | memory share; random

[He recognizes this kid. He was this kid for a hot minute, back in Nonah, when that weird shit was happening where people were flipping bodies. Diego isn't sure how different their specific brands of empathy are, but... this is the kind of thing he's worried about. More than that-- he thinks about a moment in a gym with a woman who told him his emotions were infecting other people-- he worries it could go in the stark-opposite direction. He could be the reason for that.

He was, after all, at the bar recently. Maybe people didn't buy it because most of the information about it came from one of those anonymous posts, but... the fights that broke out at The Perfect Spot were his fault. What if happened again? What if reached further, blew up bigger? What if he couldn't stop it?

And there was their birthday party last year... he and Vanya got stuck in that loop, he couldn't stop it, and then she--

He hates how close this hits, in so many ways. He wishes he hadn't seen it.]

Empathy's kind of a bitch, huh?

[ Fuck...he should've known it'd only be a matter of time before somebody started seeing shit from his life. He's practically lost track of how many people he's seen die, now. ]

Yeah. ...why, what'd you see?

You completely lost it on some guy... Total douchebag, definitely deserved it from the like three minutes of him I saw. Wasn't really you, though, was it?

[ Fucking son of a bitch... ]

Damien?

[ The sad thing is, depending on anyone's definition of "completely lost it," this could be any number of people. Damien's the most extreme, though, and he remembers this guy from Nonah. He's also an empath, so Caleb can only assume when he says completely lost it, he means completely lost it. ]

Some of it was me. Not all of it, though, no.

Yeah, that's the one. Actual devil's spawn?

[Look. He could believe almost anything at this point. He's seen an Apocalypse more than once. He's best friends with a werewolf, and the world is split into like a billion multiple spaces and he's traveled to two of them so far. Anything is possible at this point.]

Most of it was just compounded from everyone else... doesn't make you feel any better about it, though, does it?

[Certainly wouldn't help Diego. And he's pretty sure it would be a lot worse if he loses it on someone like this kid did-- this kid is just that. A kid. Diego's killed men more than twice his size since he was a teenager. He's trained, and if he lost control like that, because emotions ran too high for him to control? It's a scary thought.]

Nah, just your average, everyday shitbag, only with the ability to make the people around him want whatever he wants.

[ He shakes his head. ]

Nah. That doesn't help shit. Still feels fucking bad, even if he deserved it.

[His eyebrows arch at that. Sounds a lot like Allison's power, from that little description.]

That a pretty dangerous thing, that kind of control of people...

Don't beat yourself up over it too much, man... guys like that get what's coming to them.

[Maybe that's not how it should be viewed, but it's the way he was brought up-- the bad guys always lost. Always got beat. If it came to it, always died, too. (It wasn't quite the same when "the bad guy" turned out to be his sister, though, was it?)]

Yeah, no fucking shit. That's why everybody was so mad, because he was doing it to Adam. Adam happened to be one of the two people in the room without any Atypical abilities and definitely the only minor in the room without them.

[ Caleb frowns a little. ]

I mean...I know, but what if next time, it's not a guy like that? I lost it on Alyssa once and she didn't fucking do anything wrong. All she did was try to be mad without me noticing except I noticed and it made me mad and I blew up at her. And...then she never talked to me again until right before she got sent back through the portal, so like I didn't even really get to apologize like she deserved. So what if something like that happens but on a bigger scale. That shit matters, you know? Maybe he deserved it but I still feel bad about it because it's just a manifestation, or fucking whatever, of my lack of control with the only emotion that's dangerous to others in excess.

Jesus.

[That guy was a piece of work beyond all measure. Allison had her times when she used her powers without enough thought to them-- but Diego wouldn't really say she was intentionally malicious about it. Maybe he's wrong, maybe their view of what counts as malicious is wrong, who knows anymore.

This kind has so much to say, it's almost overwhelming. He can't imagine being that verbose, about anything, and definitely not about things that he's actually scared of. Diego has similar fears, though, since gaining this stupid power. Because, for as near as he can tell, it's worse and more multi-faceted than what Caleb has, too. He doesn't just take it in and have other people's emotions become his own, but his emotions can be projected outwardly, as well. Like with Vanya at their birthday party in Nonah. Like the bar fight recently.]

I get it... I mean, I get that more than anyone else here probably can, you know? And it's not a fun place to be in. But there's gotta be ways to control this stuff, better than either one of us apparently knows how, right? It's just a matter of finding the right techniques and trainings.

[He had started that with Luther. He misses that, if he's honest.]

Yeah. I guess...that's probably why I just dumped that all on you.

[ He has a therapist here but she's local and he doesn't tell her everything; he can't. Caleb misses Dr. Bright... ]

Sorry. I'm sure there is...and Adam's here now and he's a really good regulator for me, so it won't be so bad, but like...I worry, still, sometimes.

Then maybe we work on figuring that out. You know, together.

[The idea is a little stilted because he has never been great at working together, but this is kind of a big deal, that they both need to figure out how to reign in. Because Laura is an incredibly calming presence for Diego, the same way Adam sounds like he is for Caleb, but those kind of things can only go so far, and eventually something is gonna break. And it's gonna be bad--and could be made so, so much worse, if they were feeding into some kind of loop with each other, too, and Diego can't help but wonder how much worse that would be even than it sounds on paper.]

[ This feels maybe more awkward because they've worn each other's faces before and he knows that Diego is dating Laura, who Caleb likes to pretend is asexual just to counteract all the dumb comments Steve used to make. ]

Yeah, maybe. I wish Dr. Bright was here. She'd know how to help us navigate it. I don't even know where the fuck to start.

Who's that? And well-- you were talking to her before, right? So you know what kind of stuff she might suggest. We could start there, try to figure it out from there?

[He has no clue, if he's completely honest.]

I was doing, like... meditation and shit with my brother, before we got upended from the cities before.

She was my therapist back home. She used to work with Atypicals so she's used to people with powers.

[ He sighs and frowns. ]

Dr. Bright would make me start with my breathing exercises and meditation. So your brother wasn't far off.

[He can't help the scoffing laugh that comes with that admission from the kid.] Good to know Luther's 'always right' streak continues.

[It's said with more of a fondness than he usually uses in talking about Number One, probably because he actually finds himself missing his absent siblings more and more lately.]

[ Caleb lifts and eyebrow and shrugs, both the reference and the fondness lost to him for lacking context. ]

Whatever that means... I guess I could start with the meditation again. I probably should, anyway.

Don't worry about it. [He casts that line of thought aside easily enough, anyway.] It's worth a shot... maybe you can give me better tips, since you already have more of a basis for it than I do?

Yeah, I can do that. We can, like, meet up sometime and I can talk you through the way Dr. Bright taught me to do it and then you can keep any of the techniques you don't already use.

Sounds good.

Hey, kiddo - I wish I were reaching out for a nicer reason, but I just saw a really angry, violent memory of your's. I'm not sure if it's because you were thinking about it or what, but jesus that Damien guy...

I had no idea...

I kind of make it a habit not to think of that fucking asshole. ...he was trying to lure Adam away, right? And everybody got mad and so I got really mad because of the empathy... That's the memory, right? Where I nearly beat him to death because of the angry feedback loop?

You wouldn't. It's not something I'm particularly proud of, so...it's not like I talk about it much.

Yeah, well, I can't blame you there. What a fucking...

[There are remnants, plus her own anger on his behalf fueling that comment, but she cuts herself off, trailing off to continued.]

I don't exactly like myself when I get that angry either, honestly. I'm not an empath so it's not the same, but that's exactly the memory. Hell of a reason to have to reach out to touch base with you again, though... I didn't think it was fair to not say something, though.

It's hard not to get that angry when you're angry enough on your own and then you're absorbing the anger of, what, like five or six other people on top of it? It's like...fucking forget it. There's no controlling that, you know?

[ He sighs a little. ]

Thanks for letting me know. This shit sucks.

Yeah, I can't really imagine it - I feel angry enough on my own - that kind of fuel...you're tough, kiddo, that you even held back as long as you did, but I get why you couldn't control it - it wasn't your fault, not really.

I'd say any time, but lets hope this never happens again, yeah?

It wasn't but, like...yeah it was. I should be able to control myself anyway so that I'm not a danger to others. That could've been anybody. The first time I met Alyssa, she was so mad. She was so mad and so then I was so mad and I screamed at her and I think I scared her because she never talked to me in person again until right before she got sent back.

So...it is kind of my fault. If I was better at this, it wouldn't have happened.

Yeah, here's hoping.

You're kind of hard on yourself, aren't you? Nobody is perfect, Caleb - and you're still pretty young, it takes time to really master control. Especially when anger can take control. Werewolves have problems with anger a lot of the time too, even those of us born this way have to work at it and lose it sometimes.

You'll keep getting better at it, you just keep trying. And if you ever want to hear any of my mom's tips t hat helped me and others I'd be happy to see if I can help see if maybe they can be adapted for you?

I guess... But, like, there is a difference between trying to be perfect and holding yourself to a standard wherein you want to be able to trust that you'll never beat somebody to death because they pissed you off on a day when you're surrounded by people in bad moods, though. You know? I know I'm never going to be fucking perfect, but I'd like to know that I won't hurt people just because someone standing near me is pissed off. So how do you do it?

Yeah, I wanna know. I don't ever want to do that to somebody again. Not even if they totally fucking deserve it like he did.

Something really weird is happening!

[Adam, despite his usual dry and witty demeanor - or the alternative depressed and down one - looks positively panicked, his eyes are wide, but along with the fear and panic there's worry and concern it's just all fighting for dominance at the moment.]

Caleb, I just saw your memory of Damien at Sam's safe house - that shouldn't be possible should it? Is your empathy changing, were you thinking about it or something...? Are you okay?

Shit. No, you're like the third person or something, now...

[ He frowns and sighs. ]

Remember late last week when I told you I was seeing some fucked up stuff and that's why I was so stressed out? Welcome to seeing fucked up stuff. At least it's just something like this and you were already there. I've been watching people fucking die all week...

[Adams brows are furrowed as he nods, he remembers Caleb and how bad that was. This place is just getting weirder and weirder, and each time Adam seems to be struggling to adjust - this is no different than that.]

God, that was bad enough and I already saw and knew....this place is fucked up, Caleb, it seriously is.

Yeah, it's fucked. It's not as fucked as the last place, but it's pretty fucked.

[ He pauses and then tries to change the subject. ]

Hey, babe, do you get free ice cream ever? Like at the end of the night and shit can you take some home with you or was Steve just able to do that because he was the manager?

[The shift leaves Adam off balance for a moment, confusion on his face before he shrugs, though it's not because he doesn't know, instead more out of habit.]

If my understanding of company policy is right I'm allowed to take home icecream - not like a full thing or anything crazy, but specific product at the end of the day is up for grabs. Why - are you craving icecream?

[That - oddly enough - actually brings a bit of a grin to Adam's mouth.]

[ He shrugs a little in response. At least Adam let him change the subject and he didn't force their way back to the previous one, so mission accomplished, he supposes. ]

No, but Sally and I ran out the other night and I thought I'd ask before getting it from my work instead.

[ Caleb only gets ten percent off his purchases at Target, though, and free ice cream always tastes better than ice cream bought at 10% off. ]

Just curious, is all.

memory share; random

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