nebulochaotic

[ Eddie has to read that message several times to convince himself that he's actually read it right. There's no way it is what it sounds like it is. Klaus is a guy.

...who was wearing a dress the first time Eddie met him. A dress that lit up. But still. ]

...huh?

[ Yeah, nailed it. Good job, buddy. He figures somewhere, the rest of the Losers are laughing their asses off right now at him. ]

[it's exactly what it sounds like. poor eddie, he has no idea what he's gotten into— light-up dress and everything included.]

Did my message not send? I said, “what do I gotta do to get a date?”

[the sad thing is, klaus genuinely would assume eddie didn't get the text, not that he's too surprised. or that he's worried his friends are off somewhere, having a laugh at his expense.]

...no, I got it.

[ Just...what the fuck is happening? Is this a joke? Did Richie put him up to this? ]

I just wasn't sure I read it right?

Oh. [...at least his intentions here are totally, blatantly upfront? (for the most part.)

and considering he has no idea who richie is, he's pretty sure nobody's put him up to this. he's being outright honest: eddie's attractive and if klaus stands even the slightest chance, you're damn right he's going for it.]

Well, now it's there twice, so I'd say you read it right.

Oh.

[ Okay, so now he just...needs to figure out how he's supposed to proceed. That's...you know. That should be easy enough. Except that it isn't. The literal only person Eddie's ever dated, he married. He's never even actually taken the idea of men into consideration if he ignores the sporadic passing thoughts about Richie when they were in D.C., but those don't count. They can't count. It's just because he'd been so glad to get a second chance at life and that his best friend is here to live it with him, that's all it is. And that he misses Myra.

Except he never misses Myra, but...then again, he's never been an entire dimension hop away from her, so maybe he does? ]

Wait. Like, with me?

[ He's smart, he promises, it's just...that he's being taken severely off his guard. ]

Edited 2020-05-04 14:17 (UTC)

[jesus tapdancing christ, this poor guy seriously doesn't stand a chance.

thank goodness, klaus is patient and, ah, mostly kind, so eddie won't need to worry about being judged for his confusion. actually, to be honest, he thinks it's kind of adorable. makes him wanna take the older man home and teach him a thing or two (or three). perhaps it's good he hasn't met richie yet because he'd question their ‘friendship’ without hesitation—

not in a bad way, just if he realizes they seem friendlier than usual, which eddie would have every right to ignore since it's not any of klaus's business.]

Yes, with you. [a beat then he adds:] Unless you'd like your wife to join?

Hey, is this gonna be a casual date or do I need to, like, actually dress up? [before he's even been given an answer... klaus, no.]

[ Wow, all right. Well, this is a first. Like, completely. Even with Myra, he'd been the one to ask her out. How he'd gotten up the guts to do that, he doesn't really remember, but he knows that he was the one who asked her. So quite literally this is the first time he's being asked out by anyone and, compounding that, it's by a man. Not that Eddie's put off by that, because he isn't, but it's not...really how he would've expected things?

It probably takes him entirely too long to respond because he's honestly not sure what he's supposed to say to that? ]

I don't...I've never...I mean, I've only ever been with Myra.

[ Which he doesn't realize isn't exactly a yes or a no because he's too busy trying to process an idea that's foreign. Not entirely unwelcome, admittedly, because it's flattering if nothing else, but still. Foreign. ]

[so, is this... good? bad??? klaus can't actually tell which direction it's going to go, but as it stands, everything seems fine for the moment. aside from the blatant confusion on eddie's end, though is that because he's being asked out on a date or because he's being asked by a man? honest-to-god, he wouldn't assume either of those things if he hadn't just met the guy; however, it's a toss-up between them on which is more likely why eddie's discombobulated.

while it takes longer than usual, he's in no rush and definitely isn't panicked or anything.]

You're shitting me right now. She's the only date you've ever had and you married her? People really are blind.

[like, seriously, how could anyone not want to take eddie out? what deep, dark secret does he have that keeps people from acting? (whatever it is, klaus won't judge, he's got a closet full of his own skeletons, after all.)]

We got pretty serious pretty fast, I guess. I never dated until college.

[ Mommy wouldn't let him and he wouldn't have wanted to subject a woman to his mother, anyway, back then. Not that he's going to admit that out loud. ]

[ RECLIBRATING; CONTENT GENERATED FOR CLARITY ]
My mom wouldn't let me.

[ ...great. ]

Cute. [sort of? also hella b o r i n g] And you had one date then married her?

[reminds him of the joke he made with luther some time back. eddie, however, might not be a virgin. (although that's something else he shouldn't go making assumptions about—) but damn, the network isn't taking any prisoners today.]

Ahhh, you had one of those overprotective mommies who didn't wanna let their little boy go... that makes more sense.

I mean, we had more than one date, obviously. I just didn't date anyone besides her.

[ Well, this is just getting more and more uncomfortable, that's super... ]

I didn't write that. This network is fucking stupid.

[ But you'll note he isn't denying it, either. ]

More sense than what...?

[ Getting off track, but how can he not latch onto that? ]

Well, damn, I'd hope so if you ended up marrying her. [it's fortunate, eddie can't see him snickering or else it'd probably be worse for him and definitely turn out bad for klaus.

the denying isn't helping his case any, either.]

Agreed. If you get tired of it, we could always just talk in person? The network can't mess that kinda thing up.

[face-to-face though, there's a high chance klaus's mouth will move faster than his brain.]

Rather than thinking you were just a virgin living underneath a rock.

[ Eddie's just going to...sail away from more discussion about Myra because it's giving him anxiety. ]

Yeah, I guess you're right about that. The network can't fuck up real-time discussion. Is there anywhere decent to get a drink around here? I've been to Perfect Spot, but I haven't really checked anywhere else.

[ Well, for the first half of his life, that wasn't actually that far off. ]

Oh. Yeah, no. Not...no.

[fair enough, klaus won't question the change of subject at all.]

The Perfect Spot is one place, but there's also the lounge and hotel if you prefer? Either way, the drinks are good. [even if he hasn't drank all that much since his arrival here and he's definitely not bringing up the fact they could rent a room.]

So, you aren't a virgin? Another good thing to know.

I've never been to that one, but if you have an address, I can find it. What I originally thought was kind of a lame, superfluous power has actually turned out to be super fucking useful. I'm like a walking GPS and shit, now. I can meet you at whichever you think would be better, just let me know.

[ Not that he's internally defining this as said date that Klaus was getting at, but if he actually looked at the bigger picture of this conversation, that's pretty much exactly what this is. ]

Uh, no. No, I'm not. I might be sheltered as far as the dating scene goes, especially since I've been out of circulation since I was even younger than you are, but no, I'm not quite that big a pity case.

Sure, I've got the address. [which he sends before continuing his message.] A walking GPS? That sounds rather convenient. Definitely better than what I've got.

[it could be their date, although there's one teeny-tiny problem:] Would we maybe be able to meet at a later time today or tonight? I've got a prior engagement that needs handling. [oh god, klaus, why did you say it like that?]

Come on, man, it wouldn't make you pitiful. Even if you were a virgin, we could find a way to fix that.

Thanks. Yeah, it's pretty fucking sweet. Why, what've you got?

[ Eddie's not exactly in a rush considering he neither initiated nor has fully grasped the reality of this situation just yet. Give him a minute, he'll get there. ]

Oh yeah, whenever. Just give me a shout, man. It's fine.

[ ...dude. He's not an idiot. ]

Dude, there is literally a movie whose entire plot is haha look at the pathetic 40-year-old who hasn't ever had sex, it would make me pitiful. [ ...nope, not touching that. He wouldn't even know where to begin with that one. ]

No problem. What do I have? [hard pass.] Something that sucks. :)

[good because sorry, eds, he's gotta go through with this threesome first. should be plenty of time for him to figure it out, though? hopefully.]

Just didn't want you to think you were being stood up or something.

[for a few long minutes, klaus just laughs and laughs at the reference. like, of course eddie would mention that of all things, but once he regathers himself:] Alright, alright, you've made your point. But it's nothing you have to worry about, so let's move on to better things.

Like what kind of hobbies do you have?

Oh. Well all right then, I take it that's an off-limits subject. I'm sorry.

[ Richie's shit is dumb so it, too, arguably sucks, but Richie didn't mind telling, so whatever Klaus has is probably a whole other level of suck and it's none of Eddie's business. ]

Don't worry about it.

[ ...hobbies. Good question... ]

Uh. Huh...you know, I never really had time for them as an adult. I should find one, actually... I have all the time in the world now...

No reason to apologize, it's just something I'm not ready to share. That's all.

[not to mention, it might be something that could put eddie off and he's not willing to take that risk (yet).

did... did he just say he never had time for hobbies? like, not even one???]

Seriously? Damn, man, yeah. You gotta get out there and try something new. What sorta things do you like doing?

I don't know, yeah, I guess not, now that I think of it.

[ It's hard to have hobbies when your fat mother won't let you leave her side and your subsequent fat wife won't go out and do anything but also makes you regret it if you do something without her. It'd always been easier to just not do anything and save himself the hassle. But Klaus is right. He should try something new. ]

I don't know, I'll have to Google around for ideas and see if anything sticks. I don't imagine myself still being into comic books and building dams for shits and giggles like I did when I was a kid.

[well, shit, that's kind of sad. klaus has no idea where he'd be if he hadn't gotten kicked out of the academy when he did; everything changed the day he realized he was completely, totally free to do whatever the hell he wanted.

imagining not being able to do that well into his thirties and possibly further? his face screws up at the idea and he shakes his head before returning the text.]

Hey, you could be, there's nothing wrong with that. To be honest, I draw and knit during a lot of my free time.

Ah, I can't draw for shit. Wish I could, though; it's a cool skill. I'll figure something out.

Practice, sweetheart, just like with everything else. And if you can't there are other things! Sounds good, I'll get back at you after a while.

All right, talk to you later.

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